Expectations Equal Stress

Expectations are limitations placed on us by ourselves, whether the actual expectation is our own or someone else's.

How many times have you found youself anxious about the time as you're getting ready for a sumer get-together? As the time nears, and your partner isn't ready, or the kids refuse to finish dressing, a knot forms in your stomach.

Or maybe, for you, it isn't being on time that causes stress, but having people over. Or wondering if that birthday present for your Mother is something she'll actually like this year. There are many reasons we experience stress, even through the summer, and most have to do with expectations...either yours or someone elses that you're trying to live up to.

Rather than allow the anxiety and stress to grip your insides, take a look at why you find yourself snapping at family members or looking for a way out of this year's family reunion. It may not be the event itself, but the expectationis surrounding it that are getting in your way.

What is it you find yourself dreading? Now take a moment to think about that event or activity. Is it really all that bad? Or is it what comes next? And whose expectations are keeping you from enjoying yourself?

It can be very freeing to call ahead and acknowledge that you're going to be late, but you also have to be willing to let go of it and not worry what your Aunt Bertha will say. Stepping out of the expectation, whether it's your own (I have to be on time) or someone else's (they're always late), is important in lessening the effect of expectations on your life. The key to less anxiety is letting go of expectations. It does little good to give yourself permission to be late for a summer get-together if you're constantly berating yourself and obsessing about what everyone will think.

It's easy to expect ourselves to be...that perfect image of who we want to be. Always at our best, never letting anyone down. But we are not, and never will be, perfect. We're human. And if we cut ourselves a little slack, we might just enjoy it.

Wellness or Worry and Getting on Track

I've spent too much time writing for someone else, and can't believe how long it's been since I've written here. My apologies to everyone for not taking care of my own business here. The ezine is up and doing well, and now I can let my mind drift.

For better or worse, my mind keeps returning to wellness. By definition: the quality or state of being in good health especially as an actively sought goal. Everyone has their own idea of what wellness is, and I have my own as well. For me, wellness is not only good health, but being free of the stress and worry that lead to illness, and all that entails.

Wellness is a way of life. I don't just exercise, eat right, and be done with it. I look at my life and decide not only what I want it to look like, but what I want it to feel like. How do I do that? I talk to myself, of course! Mostly, I ask questions...they're how I know I'm actively seeking wellness. It's the answers that tell me if I'm on the right track. Questions like: What hours do I work? How much time do I spend with my family? What forms of exercise should I pursue? Do I need to spend more time working on my goals or working toward them? Is my business where I want it, or do I need to make some changes? Am I living within my budget? Is my budget working for me?

Those are just a few...so you can see, I talk to myself a lot. I just try not to do it in public too often.

I try to keep my focus at least somewhat balanced. I don't look at only one area of my life. Usually 2 or 3 questions about different parts of my life will lead to self-assessment. No, I don't take a test, or make it a major work. I usually take a look at my journal and can see where my focus has been.

Knowing when to make a change isn't always easy. When it's obvious, I'm always sure what to do. But when something just doesn't feel right...when I'm feeling stressed, or more worried than usual about little things, I may have to dig. Or go to a friend, coach, or business associate. We aren't always the best person to see ourselves clearly, and I try to remind myself of that. Especially when I'm hearing something I don't want to.

Before you find yourself off-track, I suggest you try journaling. Spend some time letting it all out on paper. It doesn't have to be fancy...I just use an inexpensive spiral bound notebook. Write your worries, your ideas, your struggles—in business and your personal life—empty your thoughts onto paper. But don't stop there. Spend a few moments reviewing your day. Note your accomplishments, special acknowledgements, or anything you see that took extra effort on your part. I also think it's a good idea to remind yourself of what you're grateful for. Little or big, doesn't matter. Everyone has a reason to be grateful. And those last two acts can help bring your thinking around to something you might be missing, or something you hadn't even realized you're doing that's working.

Wellness isn't an ideal or even a destination. Remember the definition. It's an active state of seeking. So start seeking.